ARE YOU DATING A SERIAL CHEATER?
I always said if my significant other cheated, I would leave them. I applaud all women and men who stand up to their cheating significant other because I truly feel that the more that society enables them and allows it, the more likely it is to become socially acceptable-- and it's NOT. (Don't get me wrong, you're free to do and sleep with whoever you want to--- but not at the cost of someone else's feelings and mental/emotional wellbeing. Do that shit when you're single..... Not while you're supposed to be in a monogamous relationship or marriage.)
I haven't been one of these strong women. When feelings and history are involved, I understand that it's easy for some of us with EXTRA big hearts to not only ignore the warning signs, but to give our significant others chance after chance after chance simply because we hold on to the super slim hope that they COULD change.
Unfortunately, my past two relationships have gotten me caught up in the manipulative grasps of SERIAL CHEATERS. The warning signs were always there, from BEFORE the start to the eventual finish. After speaking to friends guilty of cheating and reflecting on my past relationships with SERIAL CHEATERS, I found an (alarming) pattern in their behavior that I will be sure to look our for the next time somebody catches my eye. I've always been a girl who loves love, but it's important to remember that the only love that's present when you're dating a SERIAL CHEATER, is their love for them-damn-selves.
10 SIGNS YOU'RE DATING A SERIAL CHEATER
1. THEIR DAY TO DAY SCHEDULE OR ROUTINE IS ALWAYS UNPREDICTABLE.
A seasoned serial cheater will avoid establishing any routines or patterns early in a relationship. If you're dating someone with an unpredictable work schedule or an abundance of hobbies... hopefully you're dating somebody very hardworking and proactive... or they might be a serial cheater. For me, dating someone who was new to LA made it hard for me to distinguish between old flames, new flames, old friends, and new friends. Additionally, my Ex was into skateboarding which meant he was anywhere at anytime, and that was always his excuse for being anywhere out of the "norm". I was never one to question my mans whereabouts nor friendships, but sadly after reflecting on this past relationship, this significant other obviously used this advantage as an opportunity to cheat. According to an article by Bustle, serial cheaters plot to find ways to make themselves as hard to "pin down" as possible, so when the questions with their significant other arise, it's easy to avoid raising suspicion.
2. THEY KEEP THEIR PHONE FACE DOWN OR LOCKED
Theres a difference between privacy and secrecy. When my Ex and I would stop at the gas station to pump gas, use the restroom, WHATEVER it was, my significant other ALWAYS took his phone. It was the same story when we lived together and he used the bathroom or showered. Don't get me wrong-- who doesn't use their phone on the toilet? But I was noticing his conscious decision to MAKE SURE he had his phone on him at all times. He was constantly on it while we were together. And if he was trying to make a POINT of "paying attention to me" at dinner, it was almost always placed face down on the table. Of course after your significant other gets caught, they will probably attempt to be more transparent with you regarding their phones and social media. Unfortunately, looking back, my Ex's weren't being more faithful, just were better at hiding the evidence on their phones.
3. THEY ARE CHARMING AND CHARISMATIC. THEY SEEM ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
Honestly, the reason I fell for both of the serial cheaters in my life was because of how charismatic and charming they were. I never once thought that the way they were treating me was how they treated everybody. But it's clear to me now that they just had a lot of experience getting others to trust them. Serial cheaters know how to use their charm to win others over easily, and they know it. Still, I fell for them like a ton of bricks. Truth is, the reason it was so hard for me to leave my Ex was because I thought he was "the one". But honestly, if they seem too good to be true, they probably aren't.
4.THEY ARE FLAKEY AND BREAK PROMISES/DATES
I feel like the #1 sign that someone is just not that into you is when they constantly flake on your plans. The truth is, if you value spending time with someone you will make time for them. It should have been a red flag for me when early on in our relationship my Ex would complain about even carving out one day a week to spend with me. So, if your significant other is constantly bailing on you, pushing back plans, or leaves you waiting for them for hours because they are always late, realize that your time clearly isn't valuable to this person.
5. THEY DON’T TELL YOU DETAILS ABOUT THEIR DAY
According to an article by Bustle, serial cheaters are very vague when it comes to telling you about their life or what goes on when you’re not around. My Ex got very angry and annoyed when I would ask him "What did you do today?" Something that would be considered a typical, harmless, and justifiable thing to ask your significant other made him act like he was on the witness' stand. The truth is, if I usually was asking, I usually already knew the answer. But still he would lie or leave out major details. "My day was good. I went skating." But he made sure to leave out that he got a girls number at the gas station, or that he secretly met up with a girl he was talking to on Snapchat after his skate sesh. Serial cheaters may try to make you feel bad or guilty for simply wanting to know what they did that day, but you should never feel guilty for asking your partner ANYTHING.
6. THEY RARELY CARE OR ASK ABOUT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU’RE DOING
Piggy-backing on the last topic, I would always tell my significant other all the details about my day-- if he asked. But he didn't. The thing was he never seemed to be concerned where I was or what I was doing. He never worried about me cheating on him or cared to know if I was talking to anyone else. And yeah, I never EVER gave him a reason to think I would. But it also made me wonder, WHY doesn't he care? An article by Bustle explained this behavior by arguing that serial cheaters avoid asking you a lot of questions because they don’t want you asking them a lot of questions. Jokes on you, Bustle-- I'm still asking!
7. THEY ARE OBSESSED WITH THEMSELVES AND TAKE A LOT OF SELFIES
Serial cheaters are narcissistic. They think very highly of themselves and usually lack any consideration for others. According to an article by Zoosk, they tend to think they are special and unique and that they should only associate with other special or high-status people. They have big egos and it can be shown through attention-grabbing behavior on social media or an obsession with posting selfies of themselves. Everybody is attracted to self confidence. But it's a red flag if your significant other seems to be on another level of self-absorbed. Beware.
8. THEY HIDE YOU ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Not everybody posts about their significant other on social media. But there is a difference between keeping your relationship private and completely hiding the fact that you're in one. Additionally, there is a difference between simply not posting them, and REFUSING to post them. My Ex REFUSED to post ANYTHING about me on his Instagram or Snapchat. I'm embarrassed to say I would ask him to, and it's not necessarily that I was insecure (although, his complete refusal to post me did make me wonder-- Why? Is he embarrassed of me? Am I not pretty enough?), but I just wanted to see if he would do it. I told him how it made me feel that he wouldn't post me and his excuse was always that he is a private person (my Ex was not a private person. He was constantly showing off his car, his life, his friends. So why not me?) The truth was he didn't want to post me, because he was telling the girls in his DMs that he was single. Don't ignore your gut feeling and if your significant other is making you feel a certain way, talk to them about it. If they don't show any empathy for how you are feeling or do anything to help stop you from feeling that way, you might want to rethink the relationship. And chances are if you feel like they're hiding you... they probably are.
9. THEY SELF DIAGNOSE THEMSELVES OR MAKE EXCUSES TO EXPLAIN THEIR BEHAVIOR
THIS ONES MY FAVORITE LOL. When a serial cheater is caught, they will look for different ways to justify their behavior. My Ex blamed his actions on anything from being from Africa (even though he has lived in the United States since he was 9) to not being shown affection by his parents so therefore he didn't know how to show affection. Serial cheaters will throw in every excuse in the book as a way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. So whether "they just aren't ready to be committed", "you're the right girl, it's just the wrong time", or "it was an accident", there is NO excuse to justify cheating on your partner. So watch out if your significant other is more concerned with making up excuses to make THEMSELVES feel better, instead of being truly remorseful and owning up to their mistakes.
10. THEY RETURN TO THEIR SAME ROUTINE THAT GOT THEM INTO THIS SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE
I believe in second chances in some cases. But don't be like me and give three, four, ten. This is the difference between one time cheaters, and serial cheaters. Chances are when your significant other gets caught they are going to try everything they can to get you back. It's up to you if you want to give them another shot, but if they start falling back into their same sketchy routine it's probably time to leave. My Ex's made all these promises to win me back, but after a couple days they returned back to their same routine. This is the #1 sign you'r dating a cheater who will never change. They don't really care about your feelings or mending the relationship. If they can't commit to fixing what they broke, and they clearly can't commit to YOU, it's time to walk away.